Learning

I wrote my last post on a really weird day, that had begun terribly... and ended in celebration.

I was trying so hard to get over the stupid things of the day that were holding me down. So I still cleaned up my house, and started an amazing dinner, and then, I got my Learner's!

So now that I look back at it, it doesn't seem real, because I was still working so hard to make it a good day, even though I felt terrible. Very odd combination for me... but I am now really proud of myself for overcoming the shittiness of the day to have a really successful and productive day.

And about that learner's test that I'd been putting off for the last 2 or 3 years.... Everyone told me it was hard, the questions were confusing, etc, etc.... Well I just have to say, that was probably one of the easiest tests I've ever taken! I got 91%! I could have laughed I was so relieved.

And I actually have to thank Ryan for pushing me to do that on a really crappy day, because it ended up being exactly what I needed. And I'm so glad it's finally done.
On my walk back from taking my test, I stopped at the BC liquor store for a small bottle of Gin for myself, and cranberry juice to go with, which hilariously enough was a first for me as well.
I have never gone to a liquor store by myself to buy something just for myself.

I like growing up. It isn't always fun, but at least it's rewarding.


Mama's kitty, Zelda.

Oh, the drama.....

This is in no way how I wanted to start a new blog that was hopefully going to be based on creativity and beauty.
But, I need to express some of this. I'm frustrated, anxious, confused.
This is not at all what I expected when we were coming home again. This is by far more stressful than work in the prairies.
When we came home first, we were so hopeful, and things seemed to be working to our advantage. We found work with Troy Brown pretty much right away. We did a job for him, and all seemed ridiculously positive and things seemed to be going well. I had hope that we wouldn't have to return to the prairies to work.
But since then, Troy has not called us. Not at all.
So then, Ryan has been working for John again. Which has always been an unorganized, and stressful ordeal. Also, Ryan is having a fair bit of pain from his wisdom teeth coming in, and we now may have to pay to get them removed... To put it another way. Ryan is pretty damn grumpy right now because he's in pain and work is not smooth.
So we also have money stress.
Not only because of the dental work, but also because we are paying over $6000 to the government for late taxes, and Ryan is the only one working.
I would be working with him if we were working for Troy. But as I was never hired by John, I am not working.
We talked about me coming to work with him, but that created a huge amount of anxiety in me. Every time he works for John, he's extremely stressed out.
This has been really hard for me to adjust to. I've become this working woman, and though I love living at home and taking care of our home, it doesn't feel fair.
But I also don't feel like me getting some minimum wage job is going to help.
So once again I feel stuck, just not in the same way as I did before.

I feel the need for guidance. I feel so lost right now.